Taking care of me

I'm sure I said this on January 1st, 2007, but it all became moot one year ago today. I was pregnant and all of a sudden my life became all about taking care of my body so the baby would be ok. Here I am, one year later. I have the most amazing little girl and my sun rises and sets on her. But I know that I need to get myself in gear so that I'm around when her babies have babies. I want to be a great-grandma and in order to do that, I need to get healthy.

I've always been a "curvy" girl. I have had curvy hips forever it seems. I was a chubby kid until I hit 13. Suddenly, the baby fat melted away and I was at a healthy weight. In reality, I was rollerblading 2-3 hours a day. All through high school, I had the mind set that I was a heavy girl. I am 5'2" and was 115-120 through most of my high school days. And to think I thought I was fat. What I wouldn't give to see even 130 on the scale today. I started gaining weight towards the end of my senior year for several reasons: I had just started antidepressant medication, I had finished cheerleading, and I was partying like a rock star. In June of 2000, I was a size 7 in juniors pants. By the time I left for college in September, I was a size 14 in pants. I was in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. I underwent physical therapy for my back and my joints were killing me. I could barely ride my bike to class, so I missed a lot of classes my first quarter of college. I saw the dietitian monthly. I was having my cholesterol checked twice a year. I was in bad shape. I'll never know how much I weighed then. I refused to look at the scale. I struggled with my weight all through college: bouts of spending serious time at the gym, trying every diet out there. I was never really all that consistent with anything I tried. My weight did start to come off very slowly. My New Year's resolution 2003 was to be able to run for 30 minutes without stopping. I'd never been much of an athlete, but I thought surely I could do this. I found a 12 week program, and though I had to repeat a few weeks, I managed to finish by mid-April. I knew I could do it.

I've kind of floated through the last few years, fluctuating in the 160-165 range. In 2006 I joined weight watchers in preparation for my wedding in June of that year. I started at 169 and at the end of the year I weighed in at 154. That was my lowest weight since high school. And then I got pregnant. Oh lordy, what a trip that was. Overall, I think I did pretty well. I gained a total 44 pounds (which still sounds like a ton to me) and the last 10 pounds came on in the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. It was all water!! I swear!! Two days before I went into labor, I weighed in at 199lbs. OMG I never want to see that number again! I cried. I knew that I had a healthy baby growing in me, but still! I was hoping for at least a 25lb baby. No such luck. I had a little peanut (6lbs, 1oz). I did shed some serious water the first two weeks: 22 lbs! If only real weight came off like that ;) So here I am. I'm at 177. I'd been kinda sorta doing weight watchers again, but I was totally putzing around. Didn't write stuff down, no consistent planning. I lost 4.4lbs, then put 3.4 back on at Christmas! Blah!

So here I am. It's January 3rd and I'm trying to lose weight. I'm drinking my water. I've decided that I shouldn't have Chinese take out for awhile. I'm back on that glorious running program that I did 5 years ago. I've joined up with some great gals from the Nest to compete in a Biggest Loser style game for 12 weeks. I know that I'm at a disadvantage because I think I'm the only nursing mother in the bunch, but I don't care. I'm in it for the support, to support the others, and because I want to be held accountable by more than my WW weigh-in lady :) I have to do this for me. I want to be healthy again. I want to appreciate my body. I grew another human life, for crying out loud! This body needs to be cared for with only the best. I mean, I feed my kid the best thing I can, so why not feed myself the best that I can.

::sigh:: That's a lot off my chest.