On the Edge

And I mean it in a good way! Every year, we all take a look back at what has happened in the outgoing year before facing the new year head on. This year, I say "Whew! Glad that's over!" Not that I regret having my baby, not at all. She's the single greatest thing that's happened to me since meeting hubby. There just was so much else happening this year. J spending four months in Oklahoma was hard. Hard like falling and landing on cement hard. Hard like getting hit in the chest with a basketball pass from a pro hard. I know I'm a strong person, but being apart from him really was a major challenge. And I shouldn't even complain! He came home to visit twice, wasn't in a war zone and it was only four months! I should be thankful. He came out of the experience with the skills to start his dream job, and some life experience that made him grow up really fast. I feel so blessed that after a year and a half, he finally started his dream job.

Aside from the pregnancy and the new job, our marriage underwent some serious testing. Wow, I just read that sentence and I had to stop and reread it over and over. Pregnancy or a change in jobs can test a marriage all by themselves, but we had both and more happening. We relocated 100 miles to be closer to the new job. And, we had some very personal things happen. It was kinda one of those things where you don't really know what you'd do until you're in it. I'd like to think I handled myself pretty well. I don't wish my experience upon any other newlywed, but I'm actually very glad we were tested. My faith in my husband was completely solidified. Trial by fire, I guess. We had a few rough patches, but what marriage doesn't. We sought help, gave it our best and put it behind us. I know we are a much stronger team because of all we endured together in 2007.

Exactly one year ago tonight, I was drinking like a fish with some old friends from school. That was the last time I was rip-roaring drunk. I had a great time! My last tequila shot was one year ago. I thought maybe this year for NYE, I'd pump and dump so I could really enjoy myself. And on second thought, I don't want to nurse a hangover and a baby Tuesday morning. Bad idea. I'll just take it easy.

Sometimes, I wish I didn't choose to breastfeed my daughter. It can really feel like a chore, especially when she's on the verge of a growth spurt. But then, I take a good look at her and I feel good knowing that all the growth she's done is because of all the good food I've given her. It's a strange sort of accomplishment feeling I get that I never anticipated. I know I'm doing the best thing for her and all I have to do is make sure I keep myself well nurished.

I'm keeping up my first New Year's resolution. I intend on discussing the rest of my resolutions with J tomorrow. I've got big plans for this year: get a handle on our finances, train to run a 5k by June, get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, breastfeed my daughter past 6 months. Those may sound a bit vauge here. I do have very specific plans that I need to write out in order to make these things happen. I love this time of year. All the possibility of the new year is just around the corner. I can't wait!