Run Mama Run!

Running is my new drug. Since I quit smoking, quit drinking excessively, and quit certain other activities that shall remain vague and generally vice-like, I needed a new drug. Running works. Monday, during a break in the icky wet weather, I laced up my shoes as quickly as I could and bolted out the door. Yes, J was home with K, so no, I didn't abandon my child. The air was cold on my face, the music was moderately loud in one ear (gotta listen for cars and creepy people!), and I ran. No dramatic time or distance accomoplished this day. Just a good run, part of my training. The best thing about running is the way it clears my head. I work out all kinds of stuff while running (and laughing to myself that I listen to Guns'n'Roses sometimes!). So, here are some bullet points to get stuff out of my head and onto paper, so to speak.

Why I Run

• to lose weight (still working on the post-high school partying/medication weight)
• to be prepared for Bay to Breakers this May (long-time goal of mine)
• to live actively (now, this is a good one, because somewhere along the way, in high school I thought it was cool to not sweat, but now I realize that if I don't sweat at least 4-5 days a week, I'll earn a lovely early grave and lots of other crappy things along the way to that grave. Not to mention, I need to be a healthy role model for K, so I better keep up that active lifestyle, right?!)
• to honor those in my life who frickin' deserve to be honored

Why I wear pink when I run (it's not always a conscious choice, but I almost always don a pink article of clothing)

• My grandmother kicked breast cancer's butt in the late '80s and lived to be almost 80 without a single scary recurrance of the bastard mutant cells.
• J's Aunt Jamie, who is currently kicking breast cancer's butt and looking like the incredibly stylish woman she's always been while doing it.
• I am inspired by the last two winners of the Biggest Loser (both members of the Pink Team, both woman!)

I really do think about that kind of stuff while running. I often ask myself why the hell I am out in the cold, running to no where in particular when I could be home, warm and cozy. But then I think about people who can't walk, let alone run and decide that if I have the ability to do this, I will do it. I am damn lucky to be healthy and in a place where I can run outside in relative safety. I say relative because there are some creepy people who tend to walk on the trail I run, but I know that it's a peaceful place to be, so I can't really say they're creepy. . . just better to be safe than sorry.

Lately, I've been working on forgiving myself for mistakes I've made. And Oh Boy, have I made a lot of mistakes in my life. Now, I generally see mistakes as the opportunity to grow and learn something about myself. That's all fine and dandy. The problem is when my mistakes include other people who don't get to see the growth I experience in the aftermath. They remember me for my mistakes, while I look back and say "Oooh, that sucked, but I really learned something there." See, that's what mistakes are good for. I also have to remind myself that if the people around me are truly my friends, then they will see that I am growing and will allow me the space to do so and still appreciate my friendship. Or, they just like me enough to tolerate the crazy stuff I do and then I can explain myself later on so they get all the cool stuff I learned. So those that have split afterwards have missed out on the opportunity to get to the know the new and improved me thanks to the sometimes painful, sometimes awkward mistakes I've made. I guess it all boils down to this: I have grown A LOT in the last few years, and while I've made some mistakes, I am thankful for the opportunities I've been given to grow and I'm thankful for the friends that have stuck by me in the process. One day, I'll be as wise as Yoda, and seek my wisdom you shall. Heehee, I'm a dork and proud of it!

Moving on.

I think K has another ear infection. Boo. I'm hoping to take her to the doc in the morning to confirm and see what lovely antibiotic they'll prescribe now that she's allergic to amoxocilin. Poor thing is having such a tough time going to sleep. Between the cold and the teeth and now maybe an ear infection, she can't catch a break! Still, she's stinkin' cute and I love more than life itself. Today, she was having sooo much fun playing with her GrandAuntie T and GrandUncle M. Never have I seen my child laugh so much at a kitchen towel. They are two of the most creative people I know and am eternally grateful that they are in my life.

Update on my classwork: Yes, I'm taking beginning clothing construction. I am in the process of making a tee-shirt and it is so fun! So simple, but so enlightening! I did sleeves in class today and I can't wait to do it again! I'll be taking some pics tomorrow to share my first effort at my shirt. J is so supportive and is already talking about me taking more classes next semester . . . :) I love to sew!!!!!! I've also made a nifty quilted cover for my pattern tracing paper and am working on a tool roll based on my cousin's design for all my cool sewing supplies. Will post photos.

If you got this far, know that I appreciate your attention. Sometimes, I just have to purge some thoughts to make room for new ones!