New Year, New Me

It's so nice to be able to look back on my thoughts from last year to see how far I've come, how much I've grown, and how while so much changes, so much stays the same.

Here I am at the beginning of 2009, hoping to be better at journalling than the year before. Clearly, I didn't get very far in 2008. I'm sure I probably forgot all about the blog I started, lost the password, or some other half-assed excuse for not taking a few minutes to put my thoughts into words. I'm happy to try again, and to keep trying because I know I am a much more calm person when I take all my swirling thoughts and give them a place to go :)

As for big changes in 2008, my little girl started the year as a smiley, squirmy baby and finished the year a smiley hurricane! She's walking, running, climbing, dancing, falling, exploring, and all-around adventurer. It's really rather mind-boggling how much development occurs in one year - and I have a degree in that field!! No big changes in my marriage, and that's the way I like it. Nice and quiet, finding little ways to reconnect and remind each other why we got married in the first place. I'm adjusting to my new life as a wife AND a mother, he's adjusting to his life as a husband AND a father, and we're having fun, too.

As for me, HUGE changes have occurred. Not that most people would notice from the outside, but I know I feel so different! I was treated for post-partum depression in 2008. I feel no sense of shame, guilt or other such weirdness about my diagnosis and treatment plan. Yes, I took medication and thank God for it! Yes, I see a psychologist, and she is an amazing woman who has truly helped me embrace my new life role as a mother and integrate this new role with the rest of my life. And, yes, I'm off my medication now and I feel damn good :) I quietly (and quite accidentally) weaned myself off my meds at the end of December and made it through the holidays feeling like a good version of myself: confident, excited, driven, accepting. I stuck with Weight Watchers all year, through the ups and the downs. I started 2009 by reaching my 25 lb. achievement marker - a huge milestone for me! ALL the baby weight is gone! All of it! Bye bye baby booty!! I fit into my pre-pregnancy pants, and they fit better now than they did before I got pregnant! I attribute this to: running 2-3 days weekly, attending 2 mom/baby exercise classes weekly, strength training 2-4 days weekly and really tracking all my food intake. When you're on a roll, you can't lie to yourself and say "well, I only really ate 1.5 brownies 'cause that first one was small." Nope. I've learned to be painfully honest with myself in many regards because I know that's the only way I'll learn from my mistakes. "Feedback, not failure" is my new mantra for my weightloss achievements.

My goals for 2009 are as follows: Run Bay to Breakers in May, achieve Lifetime Membership status through Weight Watchers, and get pregnant. In that order. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Here's how I plan to get there: I'm following the 13-week training program in The Beginning Runner's Handbook by Ian MacNeill and The Sport Medicine Council of British Columbia. I started back in October because I knew that with weather, a small child, and Murphy's Law would all impact my ability to run. So glad I started early. I start my "ninth" week of training. I have a big run coming up this week. I have to pick a day to run it when hubby will be home because running with Kirsten is so trying these days. She just doesn't like being in the stroller so much anymore, so I need to save my stroller activities for my PowerStroll and Strollerobics classes. Anyway, running this training program has done amazing things for my health and confidence so far. I'm getting the runner's high and I swear it's better than caffeine! I'm on my way to achieving Lifetime . . . I'd like to lose another 25 pounds. . . That should put me just inside the healthy BMI range for my height. And, when all is said and done, we're going to try for a baby this fall. Kirsten will be turning 2 years old in August, and I really feel anytime after her birthday would be a great time to get pregnant again . . .